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Journal 001 — paying attention to what I let in

I used to think prayer was the first thing I did in the morning. It isn't. Hasn't been for a long time.

Rebecca
January 15, 2026

I used to think prayer was the first thing I did in the morning.

It isn't. Hasn't been for a long time.

The first thing I do is reach for my phone. The first voice I hear is not God's. It's not mine either. It's a stranger telling me what to be afraid of, what to want, what to believe about the world before I've even said good morning to the One I claim to follow.

By the time I get around to praying, I'm already full. Already shaped. Already nudged into a posture I didn't choose.

And then I wonder why prayer feels flat. Why my faith feels secondhand. Why I can't hear God clearly.

Maybe He's not the one who's quiet.

I'm not making rules yet. I'm just noticing. What am I letting in before I let Him in. Whose voice is forming me before I've given Him the chance.

That's the project this year. Pay attention to what's discipling me. Because something always is.